


Inner Turmoil

by Dark_Angel_Kaos



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Comfort/Friendship, Hurt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-19
Updated: 2009-06-19
Packaged: 2017-10-26 08:21:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/280834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark_Angel_Kaos/pseuds/Dark_Angel_Kaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Allen is slowly losing himself to the power of the fourteenth that resides in him. After seriously hurting Kanda he doesn't want to stay at the order where he'll be a danger to his friends. He plans to leave but an unexpected person stops him. Oneshot! AreKan!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inner Turmoil

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Inner Turmoil

Title: Inner Turmoil

Author: Dark Angel Kaos

Fandom: -Man

Pairings: Allen + Kanda

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Shonen ai, OOCness (maybe), language (Kanda is such a potty mouth), self loathe, blood, a little kissing, (if I dare) fluff?

Genre: Freindship? Comfort? Hurt?

Disclaimer: I don't own -Man and its characters.

Summery: Allen is slowly losing himself to the power of the fourteenth that resides in him. After seriously hurting Kanda he doesn't want to stay at the order where he'll be a danger to his friends. He plans to leave but an unexpected person stops him. Oneshot! AreKan!

A/N: I was just hit with this idea in the middle of my exam seriously! I was about to answer one of the questions and my mind kinda strayed for a sec and wham! The idea hit me! I mean what the hell! I know I should have been doing my exam but I just had to make this oneshot complete and I did, now it's up to me to type like crazy (I'm really lazy so it'll be awhile)! Hope you all like it though! Unbata'd…(I reread it but I still can't spot my own mistakes seriously). If I gave my bata this I wouldn't be able to post this anytime soon so bear with my mistakes…

Enjoy!

Allen looked at himself in the mirror, not even wincing as the image of the fourteen appeared beside his reflection staring back at him. He's used to it already: that face, that grin. Worrying too much about it doesn't make any sense, it'll never go away. It will only get stronger until one day when he can no longer hold it back, it'll slowly consumes him, taking over his body completely.

His grip on the sink tightens as he felt that familiar dark abyss drawing closer pulling him into its depts. He can only give in now; he's too tired to fight back.

A smile appears on his face, a twisted one mirroring the one on the face beside his reflection. His hair extends becoming curly, his eyes void of emotions, and his mind going blank as he slip further into unconsciousness. He falls to his knees, his hands still on the edge of the sink as it is the only thing that is anchoring him to reality.

The smile widens as his hands began to slip away from the one thing that is helping him to not lose control. Its hard, just to think he can't keep this up for long, but no one is around it might be ok to rest a little. His mind has been through enough just to keep the fourteenth down he needs it, the rest, he really needs it.

 _Its ok_ he thinks, _No one is here._

Hands fall to his side as the smile morphs into a full blown grin. At that moment the door opens and Kanda steps in, his tooth brush in his hands.

"Huh? Moyashi?" he tch'd, _I thought in here would be empty by now._

Since he was already there it makes no sense for him to leave and came back, he could just ignore the brat and brush his teeth quickly and just get out, simple like that. But it was weird the way that the beansprout was just kneeling there not moving. He figured something was up but just like he figured that, he figured it wasn't his problem to care. So he didn't, at least he talked him self to believe that.

He was too much into his thoughts to notice that Allen had got up turning to face him. Nor did he notice that the gaze Allen directed at him was filled with bloodlust. In a move not all on his own Allen dashed forward pinning Kanda to the wall holding him firmly by his neck before Kanda was even aware that he had moved.

"What the-" Kanda grunted as his back collided with the hard tiled wall. _What the hell is going on!_ His mind was in a fury but his body was frozen in shock at the sudden attack. He never expected to be attacked and by Allen none the less!

He winced as he could feel the sharp nails of Allen's innocence sink deeper into his neck. His blood wasted no time rushing out, much to his displeasure. This was getting out of hand; it was obvious to him that with enough pressure Allen could easily snap his neck or temporarily paralyze him. Maybe he already had? His body seems to refuse to respond.

"Bas…ta-rd w-hat the he-ll…ar-" he couldn't finish his sentence; this was bad his voice was cracking. _Damn it._

Then he finally noticed it. _The brat…damn it he let it take over?_ He was outraged. The stupid brat allowed the Noah inside him to take over so easily! He was beyond angry and he didn't even know why! But that wasn't important now, what's important is that he breaks free from the moron's hold and knock some sense into the idiot beansprout for attacking him.

He placed all his weight to his right foot his and brought it up swiftly, kneeing Allen square in his stomach. The force and abruptness of the hit caused Allen to let go, but only briefly as he curled his right hand into a fist and punched Kanda. Immediately afterwards his left arm transformed into his innocence first form and he used it to slash forward hitting Kanda square on. His blood sprayed onto Allen's face as it pooled to the floor.

Four long bloodied gashes marred his pale chest contrasting with the dark tattoo present. The plain white shirt he wore was easily ripped open from the attack. Kanda couldn't believe it. The moyashi…the beansprout…attacked him.

 _How could he?_ Was all he could think as he fell to his knees in the puddle of his own blood. He looked up, seeing the look Allen was giving him; it was one of pure amusement. It seemed he was enjoying it, such can be seen, as the smile he wore never left his face.

Kanda watched as Allen brought one of his blood soaked claws to his mouth, catching a glimpse of his slick pink tongue as it peeked out for only a second licking a drop of the blood. For some weird reason he watched in slight fascination at the way Allen's body shivered as the innocence came in contact with his tongue.

It was weird that he found that fascinating. Something must be wrong with him to think that, because there he was on the floor on the verge of death and all he could find to think about was how fascinating the person who caused him to be in that state looked?

Maybe he was masochistic.

Maybe he was losing his mind.

Or maybe it was because he was slowly losing consciousness from the pain.

The latter sounded pretty accurate he figured. He brought back his attention to Allen who was getting ready to attack again, their eyes met briefly. Suddenly he stopped and Kanda could distinctly make out tears forming at the corner of Allen's eyes.

"K-kan…da?" the voice that came out was definitely Allen's but he still looked different.

"Shut up…" Kanda panted, his consciousness slipping, "idiot…moyashi…"

At that Allen fell to his knees now completely back to normal. He couldn't believe it…he attacked an exorcist…a comrade…he attacked Kanda... Kanda is wounded because of him…his hands were covered in his blood…

"Idiot…what's…with that…look" Kanda tried to glare but it only made the throbbing in his head worst.

"Kanda…I'm…so sorry" Allen could tell he was about to tear up, "I was just…I didn't mean to…"

"Just…shut up this is nothing" Kanda muttered, but he was wrong his wounds were aching and didn't seem to be healing anytime soon, his healing rate has been decreasing lately.

He made a move to get up, running his hands along the wall behind him. It was hard to move, his right hand felt dead. Suddenly he felt strong arms around him helping him to his feet.

"Moyashi?"

"I'm so sorry…" Allen kept repeating the same thing over and over and it annoyed him.

"Shut up already" Kanda growled, not wanting the pain to get the best of him, "I'm fine just let go" he shrugged Allen's hand off and opened the door to leave only to run into Lavi.

"Yuu-chan?" Lavi began cheerfully but when he saw Kanda's state his expression instantly became worried, "Yuu what happened?" he asked noting the four long gashes that were visible from Kanda's ripped shirt. He looked down noticing the blood, "So much blood…"

"It's my fault…" Allen whimpered, "I…was the one-"

"Allen?" to say Lavi was surprised was an understatement.

Kanda growled then pushed past Lavi to walk out. His blood leaving a trail as he walked. _Why hasn't the wounds started to heal yet? Damn it what's going on?_ Kanda figured something was up and he might need to see Komui, but before that he needs to take care of the wound. Some rest will help with it greatly.

 _Damn it Lavi knows…_ he noted in annoyance as he felt Lavi's inquiring gaze on his back. This will make sleeping peacefully in his room hard, after all that's the first place he'd search for him. _I'll go to the forest…_ he decided.

Seeing that Kanda wouldn't tell him, he'd have to question Allen and even without questioning him he had an idea of what had happened. _The fourteenth took over._

"Allen…" he began, looking around, "Where's Link?" he asked noticing that the Allen's stocker wasn't around.

"He…he went to submit his report…" Allen replied, still shaken up about the fact that he attacked Kanda.

"Ah I see…" Lavi murmured, "So the only people who know about this incident are you and Yuu." His voice suddenly became serious, "Allen I need you to tell me what happened"

Allen hesitated but figured it would be better to tell Lavi, so he did never once making it seem like it wasn't his fault. He knows his weakness was why he lost control so easily. I mean he just caved in and gave up just like that! Without thinking of the circumstances such a decision would cause.

"It's all my fault Lavi it would be best if you kill me…"

Allen's head fell forward, as if it was an impossible burden.

 _It's not fair…why must someone like Allen suffer so much…_ Lavi sighed. Allen is a great guy their 'god' must be sick in the head to be constantly punishing one of his best disciples.

"I told ya before Allen I won't kill ya," he reached out his right hand and ruffled Allen's hair "you're not my enemy nor are ya ta the rest o' the order. No matter how much ya ask we'll still give ya da same answer" he winked, "besides you're really strong I'm sure you'll be able to suppress the fourteenth"

He smiled a bright smile that Allen couldn't help but return. He was worrying him self for no reason.

"It'll be ok I'm sure" Lavi replied, he made a move to leave, "I'm gonna go look for Yuu" he looked down noticing the trail of blood, "I'm gonna have ta stop by da cleaners we can't have any higher ups seeing this now can we"

"Lavi…? You…-?" Allen was shocked, "You don't mean?"

Lavi didn't answer he just smiled then walked out leaving behind a very bewildered Allen.

 _Why…why would he keep this a secret?_

( _ _ ) * ( _ _ ) * ( _ _ )

"Yo Allen, have ya seen Yuu?" Lavi asked, his voice overflowing with worry.

Allen looked up from the mountain of dishes surrounding him. His mouth stuffed with chicken. He quickly swallowed, pondering on the question.

It seems Allen had his mask back on…the one he hides behind acting like everything is ok. Lavi was glad he was back to him self but for how long?

"No, I haven't seen Kanda since this morning…" Allen replied, the mask slipped for a second and his true feeling of remorse cracked through but only for a second, "Isn't he in his room?"

"No he isn't there…I checked with da nurse but he hasn't dropped by either and Komui hasn't sent him on a mission or else you'd be gone too" Lavi sighed, he was really worried, "Also I don't think he's in any shape ta be training, but if he's in the forest can ya help me look for him?"

"Sure!" Allen stood up, he turned to Link "I'm gonna go help Lavi so…"

"I'm coming" Link replied getting up, "I have a duty to watch your every move" he took up his note book and pen.

"Sure the more the merrier" Lavi grinned despite his worry, "well then lets go the forest is really huge it'll take us a while"

"Ok" Allen agreed, hoping that Kanda was alright because if anything happened to him it is his fault…

( _ _ ) * ( _ _ ) * ( _ _ )

"Wow this forest is really huge…" Allen marveled, "How are we going to find him in this place? We'll need more than three people"

"We'll have to split up" Lavi suggested, "It makes it easier"

"Ok" Allen replied, turning to walk towards the entrance.

"I don't mind but would you two tell me why it is so important that we locate Kanda-san?" Link asked, Allen stopped in his tracks, "As far as I remember Kanda is an able bodied exorcist who not only is a successful product of central's technology but heals at a swift rate no matter what wound he receives"

 _I forgot about that._ Allen thought, _Kanda was created as a second exorcist for quick recovery…but what about-_

"Link what about innocence wounds?" Allen asked, he felt his panic begining to rise, "Will that heal faster too?"

His face paled when he heard Link's reply.

"Well innocence wounds would take longer to heal, he wasn't created to obtain wounds like that" Link replied, "his life force is already low so it might be longer…but why would he be attacked by innocence?" he turned to ask Allen but found that he was gone, "Walker! Damn it where did he go?"

"To find Yuu…" Lavi replied, his face as white as Allen's had been.

Link studied his expression.

"Is there something I should know?" Link asked, he figured they were hiding something maybe something to do with the fourteenth just to protect Allen, "As a bookman it is not in-"

"It **is** in my power to keep this information to myself for the sake of my records" Lavi replied without looking at him, "I need to go help Allen"

Link looked at him and sighed, but followed him none the less. After all he already had an idea of what happened and he was now positive that it had something to do with the fourteenth.

( _ _ ) * ( _ _ ) * ( _ _ )

"Kanda! Kanda are you here!" Allen's voice rang out, "Where are you Kanda? If you're here please respond!"

"Urusai baka moyashi(1)" came Kanda's annoyed voice, it was weaker than usual.

"Kanda!"

Allen felt relief washing over him. Kanda is here and he responded.

 _He's here…he's safe…_

Repeating the mantra over and over he ran in the direction where he heard Kanda's voice. It was a little weak but the fact that he still had the strength to curse him was just helping to keep Allen positive.

He hurried, quickening his steps when he heard he was getting closer to Kanda's raspy breathing. _There right at that tree._ The location was set, there was a large tree in the heart of the forest and he was certain Kanda was there.

And he was right; as he approached the tree he was greeted with the side of Kanda's left shoulder. Never in his life had he been so happy to see the side of Kanda's shoulder! Smiling in relief he ran in front of the tree expecting to see Kanda glaring at him but what he saw shocked him. Kanda was leaned against the tree his face pale obviously from the lack blood, his wound covered but blood was oozed out, though not as much as before. All in all Kanda looked weak and frail, a condition he never saw Kanda in before.

"Kanda…" tears welled up in Allen's eyes but he didn't let them fall.

Kanda seemed to be asleep, or maybe he passed out for losing too much blood Allen didn't know all he knew was that he had to get Kanda to the infirmary and fast. He stooped down before Kanda reaching out to take him up as gently as he could.

He put his left hand under Kanda's legs and his right hand across his back preparing him self to take him up, bridal style. With one heave he took him up surprised at how light he was. He honestly thought Kanda would be heavier than how he was, but now wasn't the time to dwell on that he had to hurry. He ran back where he came from hoping to find the path and not get lost like he's so used to.

"Allen!"

Allen stopped, he was sure he heard someone calling his name.

"Allen!"

He was right, _it's Lavi,_ his mind yelled.

"Lavi! I'm here and I found Kanda! Follow my voice" Allen yelled back.

"I can't see you" Lavi whined, "Wait where you are I'll come get you" he took out his hammer, "Shape shifting hammer, extend…extend…extend!"

Allen looked up as Lavi's hammer extended above the trees. He braced Kanda's head on his shoulder and waved his right hand to get Lavi's attention.

"Ah there you are" Lavi replied, "Hold on I'm coming down"

He pointed his hammer down lowering towards them.

"Wow Allen Yuu-chan actually let ya hold him like that?" Lavi joked, once his feet touched the ground. He ran towards them his pace slowing down as he got closer and he finally got to see Kanda "Oh no Yuu…he looks so fragile…"

"We need to get him to the infirmary now" Allen whispered, he felt worse than before "could you give us a lift?"

"No prob"

( _ _ ) * ( _ _ ) * ( _ _ )

"Allen, Lavi do you two mind telling me what happened and why one of our best exorcists is in this state?" Komui asked calmly as both exorcists entered his office.

Allen's face fell; he could see how bad Kanda's condition was. When he held him in his arms it made him want to annihilate the person hurt him, but the person that harmed Kanda was him.

He smiled sadly, how could he protect his friends when he can lose control and harm them instead. It wasn't fair, why should Kanda be the one to suffer from his mistake.

"Well?" Komui prompted, "Isn't anyone going to tell me what happened? Lavi?"

Lavi was tightlipped; he didn't want to do anything that will cause his friend to be in any trouble but the bookman side to him didn't want to hesitate, for the sake of his records he wanted to see how things will be played out.

Komui sighed at his silence, _so he's proctecting Allen…_

"Lavi don't put yourself in anymore trouble than you are now" Komui warned, "If you know something tell me now. I can at least help to lessen Allen's punishment."

"I'm not technically hiding anything ya know" Lavi replied with an impish grin, "Certain records I make can't be discussed without alerting da prior bookman, so until I get da ok from the old panda I can't say a ting"

Allen looked at Lavi in surprise, _why is he still protecting me?_

The answer was obvious, they were friends and friends protect each other. _Something I couldn't do for Kanda._

"Allen? Why don't you tell us then" Komui asked, "It seems you know what really happened"

Komui knew Allen could tell him, after all the marks from Kanda's wounds were made from his innocence. The question was will Allen tell the truth and just get by with a minimal punishment or would he attempt to lie. He didn't want to punish the exorcist but it wasn't in his authority to lessen it incase he lied. An exorcist was wounded, because of that it was already out of his hands. But if Allen told him the truth he could try and lessen his punishment.

Allen turned to face Lavi and smiled.

"Thanks Lavi but I don't want to hide it" he replied, "I don't want anything like this to happen again" he turned face Komui, "So I won't hide anything"

"But Allen…" Lavi could only sigh and nod as he stared into those determined eyes.

"That is a good choice Allen" Komui smiled, "Now please tell me what happened"

"Ok" Allen nodded, he told him everything he told Lavi before, "So don't blame Lavi for hiding anything, I told him not to say anything"

"Allen!" Lavi yelled, _what is he doing? Is he trying to get into more trouble,_ "Komui I chose not to tell you anything, Allen didn't tell me not to" he turned to face Allen, "What are you thinking are you trying to get more punishment!"

Allen didn't face him, he just kept quiet.

"Allen thank you for telling me" Komui said after a while, it was a lot to take in but he was surprisingly calm "You two are free to go, I will inform you of your punishment later"

"What?" Allen asked, what's going on he thought after telling them the truth he'd be immediately restrained or locked up, he just confessed giving control to the Noah inside him after all "What do you mean Komui? I let the fourteenth take over! To prevent any one else from getting hurt shouldn't I be locked up immediately?"

"I don't think so" Komui replied with a warm smile, "You were just tired that's all. It is really hard on you and I don't want you to suffer more just because of a little mistake"

Allen couldn't believe it; even Komui was trying to protect him. Why couldn't they all see it, he didn't need their protection they are the ones who need to be protected from him.

He could feel it stronger than ever; he was close…close to being taken over.

( _ _ ) * ( _ _ ) * ( _ _ )

"Walker I have a new report to send in" Link said just as Allen walked in to his room, "So to prevent what happened this morning I want you to accompany me"

"Ah…sure" Allen replied.

Link got up to leave. He passed Allen who was still, seeming to be lost in his thoughts.

"Walker what is the problem?" Link asked with a sigh.

"Huh? Ah nothing, I was just thinking that's all" Allen replied quickly, his expression became murky "I wonder how Kanda is…"

"So this is what this is about" Link mumbled in slight annoyance, "if you're so worried then go see him"

"Can I?" Allen asked.

"Why are you asking me for permission?" Link asked, "We can just stop by on the way"

"Well I want to go see him, alone" Allen replied, "If its ok with you, can you just send in the report by your self and I'd go see him…"

"Isn't that a little too risky considering what happened before?" Link questioned, his thin blond eyebrows quirked upward, "Besides from what I heard from Komui he's in no condition to have visitors"

"I know…" Allen had his head down hiding his true expression from Link "but I just want to see him…to know if he's ok" he sighed, "that way I can finally calm down"

Link looked at the boy before him. If anything goes wrong again it will be on his hands not to mention if Allen happens to lose control again he's not sure what measures central will take. Therefore Allen shouldn't be left alone with Kanda but even knowing this why is he even considering letting Allen go?

"Walker I do not know why you wish to be alone but…" he walked towards the door "I will allow you this one time" he turned to face Allen before he left, "so make a good use of it"

Then he was gone.

"Link…you-" a smile crossed his lips, "Thanks…" _and goodbye…_

( _ _ ) * ( _ _ ) * ( _ _ )

"You want to see Kanda?"

"Yes if that's possible…" Allen replied, "I now he's in a bad shape but I just want to see for myself…you see I'm really worried"

The young nurse looked Allen over studying him intently; _he looks genuinely worried I guess I can let him in for a few minutes._

"I'm not suppose to do this but I'll allow you in" the nurse replied leading Allen towards a room at the far end of the corridor, "No one will be passing here tonight so you will have some privacy, you can leave in five minutes or if you wish you can stay longer"

Allen nodded as he followed the nurse to the unknown room. For all the time he's been at the order's new branch he's never noticed that room before. Not to mention he's been at the infirmary tons of time. _Thanks to Kanda…_

 _Maybe it's new._ He though as he followed the nurse, o _r it's a special room._

When he got closer he noticed why he never saw the room before…on the door it had the word ' **Critical** ' in bold red letters.

 _Critical…that's how bad it is?_ Allen felt his heart quake at the thought. Kanda could be in there fighting for his life and he…he's the one who put him in that position. Nothing could make him feel any worse than how he felt now, knowing that Kanda could lose his life because of him.

"Its right through there" the nurse pointed to the door with the critical sign, "I'll have to leave you here, I still have some work to finish up"

"I'll be fine" Allen replied with slight smile, "I can find my way back"

"Ok but make sure not to touch anything, I'm staking my job on this"

"Yes I promise I won't" Allen replied, "Thank you"

The nurse nodded and left the way they came leaving Allen to stand before the door to Kanda's room. Allen hesitated for a while but he finally mustered up enough courage to open the door. With the door open he stepped in quickly surveying the room.

It was a simple hospice room, one desk, a chair, a window to the right and one bed. His eyes focused on the bed, trying to recognize the occupant. He could make out Kanda sleeping peacefully with an oxygen mask stretching over his mouth and nose.

As if in a trance he moved towards the bed, he pulled the chair along with him placing it right beside Kanda's bed. Upon a closer inspection of Kanda it could be seen that was a lot paler than usual. His paleness contrasted with his loose raven locks that fanned over the pillow. It made him look almost as white as the sheets he laid on.

"Kanda…"

Blood soaked through the bandages around his chest leaving large spots all over the wrapping. It looked painful and Allen was in no doubt that it is indeed painful, if Kanda was awake he would scoff at him for not being able to take a little pain.

 _That's not a little pain…_

Even though he was sure Kanda should be in a lot of pain even in his sleep, Kanda's face didn't show anything like that, he still had his pissed off expression – as if it was permanently etched into his face – he seemed a little annoyed albeit a little peaceful. It made him rethink how much pain he though Kanda was really in.

 _The drugs must be causing it…or he's just masking it, he always does that even unconsciously._

The moonlight streamed in from the open window ghosting over Kanda's pale face giving him a sort of ethereal beauty. A gasp sounded from Allen at the sight. _His skin seems so smooth…_ He had a sudden urge to confirm it.

"He really looks peaceful…" he whispered softly, his fingers itched to touch him, "I never saw him like this before…"

Kanda had only a limited amount of facial expressions one of the most frequent being annoyance. Somehow the samurai is either always angry, pissed off or just plain smug. At times he can be rude, uncompromising and impassive but that just makes it even more fun to annoy him.

"Kanda will you ever show anyone your gentler side?" Allen asked absentmindedly, _that's if you have one…but if you do I wouldn't mind you showing it to me_. Allen gave a sudden chuckle at the absurdity of his thoughts; there was no way Kanda would show him and somehow it made him sad to think that.

"Hey Kanda…I know I've said it already but…I'm sorry I'm really sorry" he closed his eyes trying to block out Kanda's peaceful expression, "I always said that I would rather die than to hurt anyone…but I hurt you and I wasn't punished immediately for it…"

Kanda didn't reply.

 _Of course he didn't,_ he thought bitterly, _he's not even awake and even if he was he'd just smack me._

"I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am" he reached out his right hand towards Kanda but stopped before he could touch his cheek, "I bet you'll be angry if you heard that I haven't been punished severely for doing this to you, I should have been restrained but…" he trailed off, his hand still limp over Kanda's face "I don't know why but seeing you in this state makes my heart hurt so much its unbearable and all I want to do is to destroy the person who did it to you even if its me"

He brought his hand down – hesitantly – to Kanda's left cheek and gasped when his heated skin touched the cool flesh.

"You're so cold…" his voice was barely a whisper; he gave the patch of skin a gentle stroke "just like how I imagined it, your skin is really soft Kanda…"

He stopped his hand suddenly and his face heated up at the very intimate gesture. If anyone were to see him, to their eyes he and Kanda would seem like lovers. His blush brightened at the thought and his embarrassment rose but he didn't remove his hand. He didn't want to, was how he felt and he wanted to be honest with him before he left. That was how he felt.

"Kanda to be honest there are some things I want to say to you" Allen began, "I didn't understand what I was feeling before but Lenalee helped me figure out what it was, she told me that I had a crush" he chuckled softly, "I told she was wrong at the time because I haven't had a crush before but now I'm sure she's right. I have a crush on you Kanda, you may not be able to hear me but I want you to know"

He resumed stroking his cheek, feeling it heat up under his touch.

"I always wanted to touch you like this and more, but you'd probably beat me up if you were conscious huh?" Allen asked rhetorically, "I've dreamed of this only you weren't wounded, you were sort of cute and submissive. Not that you aren't cute though you're anything but submissive…I'm glad you're asleep or else I'd be dead right now"

Allen was silent for a while as he took in the image of Kanda's form lying motionless on the bed, showing little signs of life. _It's as if you're…_ he didn't want to say the word, if he said that word it will only make it harder for him to leave knowing that if Kanda died it will be his fault. _You'll survive won't you? Even after I leave right?_

"Kanda I don't want to hurt anyone ever again so I decided to…leave" the last word was whispered, "but I wanted to tell you first, don't be angry but I'm losing control, I'm slowly losing my sanity because of the fourteenth. I know you might say that I don't act like it but everything's been an act so that I don't worry anyone, I'm sorry I can't even keep up that act anymore, so it will be safer if I leave"

His hand ceased its movement and he got up towering over Kanda's face with his own.

"Somehow I feel calm when I'm next to you" Allen whispered, he reached out to take off the oxygen mask, "I know this might sound cheesy but I'll miss you, our bickers and everything. In some way I feel that I'm closer to you than I am with anyone else…" a blush covered his face at what he said next, "um…Kanda…can I…can I kiss you?"

Though Kanda didn't reply he took the silence as an approval. Leaning forward he captured Kanda's pale lips in a gentle kiss. He sighed in bliss as their lips met; enjoying the slight pleasure it gave him.

Since Kanda was unresponsive due to his condition Allen kept the kiss slow and simple. Just an innocent closed mouth kiss, yet it was longer than a chaste kiss.

"Good bye…Kanda…" he whispered breaking the kiss, "I…I…" _like you a lot._ Somehow he couldn't say it out loud, as if saying out loud would ruin its potency.

He got up hesitantly, putting Kanda's oxygen mask back on. Then walked towards the door, he turned back to take one last glance Kanda – one filled with longing.

The sad smile that crossed his face was the last thing to be seen before he disappeared through the door.

A low shuffling noise shattered the quiet calmness of the room. Though it was brief it left a sort of clear sign that the room was not the same as it was before Allen left. Kanda became conscious, annoyed that his sleep was cut short by some bothersome person. One thing Kanda was sure of was when he gets up he'll rip the person who dared to wake him to shreds! He. Is. Not a morning person damn it!

"What the hell happened" he croaked, his voice scratchy from the lack of use, "Where the hell am I!"

He tried to look around but the throbbing in his head made it sort of hard. _Damn it my head hurts…not to mention my chest what the hell happened!_ He closed his eyes to rid the pain.

 _K-kan…da?_

 _Huh?_ Kanda's eye flew open, _That sounds like the moyashi_ he looked around, no matter how much it hurts to do so, _Where is he?_

 _Kanda…I'm…so sorry_   
_…_   
_I was just…I didn't mean to…_

 _What the hell?_ He was getting annoyed, _why is the moyashi apologizing?_

 _I'm so sorry…_

"Shut up already!" Kanda snapped out loud, trying desperately to shut the moyashi up, the constant apologies was grating his nerves. He didn't get it. Why was he apologizing?

Suddenly images of what happened in the morning entered his mind, he could remember everything. How could he forget? He was attacked by the Noah inside of Allen and with his innocence not doubt, the way the wounds burned. Just like Komui said, innocent wounds burn and will take longer to heal.

"This will take a little while to heal" he figured as he yanked the oxygen mask off his face, "I'm in this room again…I thought I'd never see this room for as long as I'm here"

He looked around once again this time he was sitting up so he could see all of the room. There was this nagging feeling he had that told him there was something he was forgetting, but he brushed it off as an 'irritating piece of crap' and proceeded to get out of the bed intending on finding the moyashi so that he could tell him a piece of his mind.

The sound of the door opening made him stop what he was doing. He looked up meeting the person who came in, one eye brow raised.

"What are you doing here?"

"I take it that Walker has already left?" Link asked, "Unless you've kicked him out"

"The moyashi?" Kanda asked, his voice still a little rusty from its lack of use "Why would he be here?"

"He asked me for permission to come see you alone, I take it that the meeting didn't go well?" Link turned to leave, "He must be in the canteen, I'll take my leave now. Sorry to have bothered you"

 _Good bye…Kanda…_

The voice ricocheted throughout Kanda's mind, alarming his senses. It was like the voice was some sort of delusion created by his mind but let's face it there's no way he'd imagine something like that so it must be a memory. But the question is how recent was it?

 _That moyashi couldn't go anywhere without his stalker so even if there's evidence that he came here the thing is where the hell did he go? He's not in his room since his stalker would have checked his room before coming here…_

 _Good bye…Kanda…_

The voice echoed again, this time it brought Kanda the urge to touch his lips – which he did (the force was just too strong). He felt his face heat up as his body recalled being kissed.

"When I find out who it was who dared to…" he trailed off as the words echoed through his mind stronger than ever.

 _Good bye…Kanda…_

The good byes, the fact that Link couldn't find him, that…that kiss. It all made sense to him now.

 _I can almost see that pitiful smile he had on when he left._

Although Kanda wasn't conscious, he is fully aware of his surroundings and even though he didn't see the look Allen gave him before he left he had a pretty good idea of how it looked.

"Baka moyashi" he growled in frustration, "I swear I will punch you when I find out where you ran off to!"

( _ _ ) * ( _ _ ) * ( _ _ )

Allen found it rather easy to elude everyone at the order, especially after his meeting with Kanda. Now with this his plan is finally put into operation. His plan involves running away from the order – which is only the first step. After he gets away successfully he'll try to help out in any way he can before he's completely taken over by the fourteenth. And lastly when he's taken over he'd be killed by the order preferably by Kanda. His plan was perfect – in his mind – but in order to make it as perfect in reality as it is in his head he has to make escape.

With one last look towards the order, Allen made his way through the thick forest hoping to blend in with the night.

He stopped suddenly, his hands raised before him.

 _Someone managed to follow me?_

He clutched the rock that he caught tightly in his hands.

"Whose there?" he demanded.

"Baka moyashi…!" Kanda's voice growled, it was sort of distant but from the sound he could tell that he was indeed pissed off, "Wait"

 _K-kanda?_

"Kanda? Is it really you?" Allen asked, his emotions betraying his reasoning, sure it could be Kanda but it also couldn't after all Kanda is lying in the infirmary's critical case room, so he couldn't be moving around now.

Even though he knew it couldn't be Kanda a part of him wanted it to be Kanda. He wanted to know that he was alright and wasn't as bad a he seemed. He wanted to know that Kanda is definitely without a doubt alive. When the voice didn't reply, he felt that little hope inside him crash and burn. He was about to turn back when the voice came back this time a little closer.

"I said to _wait_ baka moyashi!" Kanda snarled, making Allen stop in his tracks.

He turned to face the voice and there he saw Kanda standing beside one of the trees behind him, he was in a thin fabric pale blue pants and his black exorcist coat – which was unbuttoned, it seemed that he just threw it over his shoulders in a rush to leave as his hair was loose.

Allen blinked several times wondering if it was the moonlight playing tricks with his mind. It could be, as there Kanda was right before him in nothing but a flimsy thin pants and a coat, well he had on bandages but that can be over looked. He looked positively ready to be ravished by him. The thought made his mind really dizzy but he shook his head vigorously to rid himself of the dizziness.

 _This is a trick; he's not real so I should just ignore him a go before anyone catches up with me…_ Allen thought. He gave Kanda one last look and then turned to leave.

Kanda saw this and started yelling at him to stop which Allen ignored completely.

 _Is the moyashi is ignoring me?_ Kanda raged. He would want nothing more than to walk up to the idiot beansprout and knock him unconscious but the pain in his head prevented him from taking another step. The fact that he ran all the way here by following the moyashi's aura was taking a negative toll on his body. He even had to stop and walk the rest of his way to where he now stood because the energy he had before was drained completely. Therefore if he moved another step he might pass out.

 _Damn._ He cursed, why was he so damned weak! If he doesn't stop the moyashi now there's no telling what will happen. Not to mention he's fairly sure that central will hunt him down and kill him. _That's what the moron wants isn't it…_

He growled in frustration. _Damn that brat for making me think about him this much!_

He tried again, yelling, that's all he can do but it seems he needs to say something that will shock the boy to stop. An idea struck, it was simple enough and he couldn't believe he never thought of it before, but he never thought that there would be a day when he would have to say it.

… _hell here goes everything._

"Oi are you deaf of something I'm telling you to wait you idiot!" Kanda yelled at the top of his voice, "Damn it I said to wait…" _here it goes_ "Allen!"

As if a thunder bolt had hit him Allen stopped in his tracks. His muddled mind trying to process what had just happened. All he could make out was 'Kanda said my name' it repeated it's self over and over in his head like a mantra.

Kanda sighed in relief, it worked. _Nothing can shock the moyashi more than to hear his given name pass from my lips._ Kanda sighed again this time in exhaustion. _Now to knock some sense into the brat._

Standing still for a while helped him to gather a little strength which he used to move closer to the stunned moyashi.

"Turn around" he ordered once he was a few feet behind the brat.

Allen did as he was told and turned slowly to face Kanda only to fall sideways from a fist to his face. He hit the ground with a thud glancing up to look at the pissed off look the other was giving him.

He was speechless, the person before him was Kanda not an illusion or a trick of his mind. He felt relief bubble up from inside of him when he felt Kanda's fist hit him. Not only did he think of it as a way to reassure him that it was indeed Kanda he thought of it as some sort of punishment.

"When I tell you to do something you better do it or else!" Kanda growled, ignoring the white spots dancing around his vision, "You damned moysahi what the hell do you think you're doing eh?" Kanda was beyond mad he was furious, "Trying to leave the order? Do you think running away from your problems will solve it?"

Allen lowered his head; he didn't want to discuss this not now and with Kanda of all people. He knew already that running away won't solve anything it'll only make everything worst, but he couldn't help it. He didn't want to face the matter of the fourteenth; he didn't want to face being the object of everyone's pity, he didn't want to go through everyday pretending, he didn't want to…he didn't want to hurt anyone. So it was better for him to just run away.

"I know that already!" Allen yelled his head still down, "But it's easier…for me to avoid everything I can't deal with! It's better for me that way"

Kanda growled.

"You IDIOT!" he wanted nothing more than to beat him senseless but the dizziness returned, this time brining him to his knees in front of Allen, "You fucking moron is that what you think? You rather take the easy way out than standing up to your fucking problems and conquering them, you are a fucking coward!"

Allen didn't even wince when he heard Kanda's harsh words towards him; he knew he deserved them and much more. So he didn't stop him, he let him continue his yelling of how he's 'such a fucking coward who can't face his own problems' and that he is a 'worthless piece of crap' a 'fucking good for nothing' and a 'waste of time, space and effort'.

"Yeah…I know" Allen whispered, his voice barely audible, "I am all that and more…so why are you trying to stop me? I'm not worth anyone's time…so please just kill me, fulfill the duty you were given. If you kill me I'm sure central will reward you wel-"

Allen didn't get to finish as Kanda grabbed him up by his color forcing him to look up and at him.

"What the fuck do you think your life is huh?" Kanda yelled tightening his grip on Allen's color with every word spoken, "Is it that what you fucking want, to die? If so I'll fucking kill you my self if I have to. You know you really are a fucking waste of time!" he raised his hand and slapped him across his face with what little strength he had – it was the only attack he could manage for the time being, "Your stupidity is killing me, I should just let you die out here"

Allen couldn't hold it in any more he snapped.

"Then why don't you!" he yelled, tears streaming down his cheeks, "Why don't you leave me here to die or kill me your damn self!" he sobbed, "Why don't you just kill me now and be done with it. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore"

"You don't want to hurt anyone anymore my ass!" Kanda growled, "Then what do you think you're doing if you leave huh? How do you think everyone will react when you leave? Will they smile and be happy only to hunt you down as their enemy? You must be fucking crazy if you think that you leaving won't hurt anyone"

Allen never considered that as a problem, he thought everyone would just follow their orders and kill him if he betrayed them, but he still refused to stay no matter what he couldn't as they were in more danger if he was around.

"Why'd you care" he muttered, his tears beginning to dry, "Why would anyone care if a Noah like me dies…"

Kanda punched him, hard.

"You are really grating my nerves you know that you idiot!" his growl was menacing.

"Then just leave me alone!" Allen yelled, blood trailed from his burst lip, "Why don't you just leave me the hell alone!" he wiped the blood away with the back of his hand.

"Why? Why? That's a damn good fucking question!" Kanda yelled letting go of Allen color, "I asked my self that same fucking question when I woke up and I found myself trailing you. 'Why don't I leave the fucking idiot alone, I don't give a fuck what happens to him so why the fuck should I care?' I should have just ignored you and let you run away but no I have to take it up on my fucking head to go after you"

Kanda sighed; this idiot was wearing him out.

"Then you should just go back…" Allen whispered, "Our friends are worried about you. Go back Kanda, you're in no shape to be out here…"

"Moron" Kanda snarled, "Aren't you our friend too!" he reached out his shaky hands to grip Allen's right hand, "Or shouldn't we not care about you because you have a Noah implanted in your fucking brain. You're the same moyashi nothings fucking change, you're still a glutton, a fucking softy and damn moron for justice and all that shit. Why the fuck should we abandon you because you're too fucking weak to support your own damned self. If you're too weak to do it then leave it to us! That's what we're there for! We'll help you, isn't that what you always say friends are? That they help each other? So shut the fuck up and let us help you!"

Allen was taken aback by Kanda's outburst. He never knew everyone felt that way, that Kanda felt that way. He noticed that Kanda stopped saying 'they' and is now using 'we'.

"It isn't something that you all can help me with…" Allen retorted, "This is my problem and I have to face it alone. I don't want to get you all in trouble or worst get you hurt"

"So that's your excuse? How fucking lame! It's not your fucking problem to face alone!" Kanda raged, "You're an exorcist our comrade you think we're just gonna sit by and let you deal with a problem that huge on your own. Don't make me laugh. Hurt? Moyashi who the fuck do you think you're talking to? We're fucking capable of taking care of our selves! And don't you dare mention what happened today that only happened because I didn't expect it!"

"It doesn't matter you were still hurt and it was my fault" Allen yelled trying to pull out of Kanda's vice grip on his wrist.

"How many times do I have to tell you that we are not fucking weak!" Kanda yelled, he really felt like smacking the moyashi senseless but he just didn't have the strength, "Idiot stop and think about what you're fucking doing. You are leaving to go out to the outside world in your condition. Moron you'll snap sooner than you think and what do you think will happen huh? You'll kill innocent defenseless people! There's no one out there to restrain you, you'll just kill and kill until you're killed. Is that how you want it?"

Allen was speechless. He never took into account that he'll possibly hurt innocent people. He just never thought it through much. How could he forget that important detail? Or was he hoping to use the murders to force the order to kill him. Even so he still couldn't live with himself if he killed innocent people.

"What happened this morning only happened because you were alone moron" Kanda said now calming down, "If you stopped keeping everything to your fucking self and tell us more maybe we could have helped, maybe it wouldn't have turned out like it did" he released his hold on Allen hand, "stop thinking that you're fucking alone and that you have a enormous burden to carry by your goddamned self because if you haven't notice it already you're not fucking alone! You have friends that will give anything to keep you safe; you're just too much of a fucking ass to not see it!"

Tears flowed out of Allen's eyes like a running pipe.

"I just wanted to protect everyone…" he slumped forward, his hands resting before him.

All he wanted was to protect his friends by leaving because he thought that he'd be hurting them more if he stayed.

"Idiot don't you see you're hurting your self when you think like that" Kanda said in an annoyed tone.

Allen wiped his eyes frantically as he stared at Kanda. Kanda really let him have it; his words reached him better than his fist could ever do. He smiled; a genuine one.

"Thank you Kanda" he whispered in a voice that was way too mature for his age.

"You don't have to thank me" Kanda huffed, turning his head way from the moyashi, hoping that the sudden warmth on his cheeks wasn't a blush and if it was he hoped he was lucky enough that it would just go unnoticed. Sadly he had no such luck.

A smirk appeared on Allen's lips, contrasting greatly with his eyes which were red and puffy from crying.

"Aw isn't that cute little Yuu-chan is blushing" Allen said in a husky whisper.

"D-don't call me by that name b-baka m-moyashi!" Kanda curse him self inwardly for that stutter.

Allen's smirk widened, he didn't miss that stutter.

"Ah now you're embarrassed how adorable. You make the cutest expression Kanda" Allen purred leaning closer to him.

"Hey what the hell are you doing?" Kanda demanded trying to keep some menace in his voice, "Stay back you! Don't come any closer!" damn it he couldn't move! "Try anything and I swear I'll give you the death you've been wishing to have!"

"Aw now Kanda don't be like that" Allen's purr was sickeningly sweet, "I just want to ask you a question"

"Damn moyashi I don't want to answer any stupid question!" Kanda shouted, "Just stay the hell back!" he could feel his face heat up more when Allen came closer. _Damn it!_

"Kanda I'll ask a few things and you just have to pick one of them to do ok" Allen said in a rather husky seductive voice which made Kanda question the age of the beansprout before him, "Kanda would you admit that all you said before is your true feelings about me?"

Kanda looked at the boy before him as if he'd grown a second head.

"You must be fucking cra-"

"Or would you call me by my first name, better yet moan it?"Allen purred interrupting Kanda.

"Moyashi I'm convinced that you're seriously sick in the noggin" Kanda snorted.

"Not technically I'm just love sick" Allen replied coolly causing Kanda to splutter, "So which one will you do the first one? The second one? Or would you…" he lowered his head to whisper in Kanda's ear, his warm breath ghosting over the shell, he smirked as Kanda's body shivered below him, "…kiss me?"

Kanda's face burned as red as an overripe tomato. _The moyashi didn't just say that?_

"Y-y-you must be-! How could you s-say s-s-something like t-that!" Kanda stuttered, this time he was too embarrassed and angry to care that he was stuttering.

"Easily" Allen replied, he was enjoying the expressions Kanda was making, "I want to know your real feelings for me, but I also want to hear you moan my name and I really want to kiss you" his face was calm when he replied.

 _Ehhh? How can he say all that with a straight face?_ Kanda was mortified; he so didn't want to tell the moyashi what he really thought of him. _Ch' when pigs fly…_ nor did he want to call the brat by his given name! Much less moan it! _Moyashi suits him better!_ But to kiss him? It's just a little peck on the lips it won't mean anything right? _I hope he doesn't take it as it means something._

"So Kanda come on, choose one already I'm waiting" Allen taunted, he didn't really expect Kanda to choose any one of them, its just teasing him was so fun "don't be a spoilt spor-mphhh"

To say Allen was shocked was an understatement, hell he half expected Kanda to knock him over and storm off – if he had the strength to – but when he felt Kanda's lips on his own he could only purr softly. He wanted to immerse himself completely in the feeling of kissing Kanda but the soft lips left almost as quickly as they came.

"There I chose number three" Kanda said in an indifferent tone, his head turned so far to the left that it was impossible for Allen to see his face.

Though Allen couldn't see his face he was one hundred percent sure that Kanda was blushing. He did get what he asked for, a kiss but he wasn't satisfied. _I meant a_ _ **kiss**_ _not a little chaste one you'd give a family member._ A low growl erupted from his throat.

"That wasn't enough Kanda" he growled turning the older man's head and crashing his lips onto his.

Kanda froze when he felt Allen's lips on his. He couldn't believe the intensity of the kiss, it was hot and so demanding, as if Allen was pouring half of his soul into him and taking half of his. It was mind throbbing and fierce and he found that he couldn't returned it with the same amount of passion that Allen had. This didn't trouble him – oh of course not – he knew the reason for his lack of participation. He was still frozen stiff from the kiss, and even though it was embarrassing to admit he never kissed anyone before and didn't know what to do, so he settled for staying frozen.

But Allen was well experienced as he began to nip and lick Kanda's lip begging for entrance. When Kanda didn't respond he let his right hand trailed down to Kanda's chest effectively latching on to one of his nipples. He squeezed the nub lightly earning his a surprised gasp from the raven. Wasting no time he thrust his tongue inside Kanda's mouth, moaning at the warmth. Kanda's taste was sweet and addictive and Allen was sure that he would never get tired of that taste.

The kiss felt oddly one sided, and maybe it was. Allen opened his eyes to look at Kanda; he could see that Kanda's eyes were closed in concentration and the dark blush on his cheeks implied that he was embarrassed.

Allen wanted to persuade Kanda to participate as his hunch was that Kanda had never kissed before. That little fact made his head engorge, which he was sure was causing his sudden lightheadedness. He ran his tongue over Kanda's teeth trailing it slowly then moves on to touch his tongue coaxing it to dance with it.

"Kanda…follow my lead" Allen mouthed on Kanda's lips, his right hand still squeezing the hardening nub.

Kanda – shyly – moved his tongue to follow Allen's movement, not wanting to be out moved by the younger boy. He got the basic of kissing just after following Allen for a few seconds; and soon he returned the kiss with equal vigor as him. Allen purred in appreciation and tilted Kanda's head back deepening the kiss.

Teeth clanked and tongues clashed as the kiss became more frantic and heated. Saliva dribbled down Kanda's cheek, indicating that the kiss had begun to turn messy. Though he felt a little giddy from the kiss, he never experience something like this before and it felt alright in a way that he wouldn't mind doing it again, but he noticed that with kissing he was slowly having the wind knocked out of him and was desperately needing air. Allen must have noticed it as he released him from the kiss.

They separated, only linked together by a trail of saliva but that soon broke away. Allen opened his lust filled gray eyes staring into Kanda's glazed onyx ones. He was about to lean forward for another kiss when his face was suddenly pushed back by Kanda.

"Y-y-y-y-you…!" Kanda's face resembled a pool of blood and right now he had the urge to make it Allen's blood with his dead body to match, he clasped his hand over his mouth glaring at the young boy.

"You're an awesome kisser Kanda" Allen said in that unbelievably husky voice of his, he was already immune to all of Kanda's glares so it didn't affect him, "We should do that again, next time I'll show you something good"

 _Pervert!_ Was all Kanda could think when Allen finished talking.

"I can't believe I did that with you!" Kanda growled, "I came here to stop you not to ki…ki…"

"Kiss?" Allen provided with a smile, "Come on you like it, right?"

Kanda's blush increased.

"Shut up" he muttered, turning ahead from him.

Allen chuckled softly as he got up. He reached out his right hand towards Kanda who looked at him in question albeit a little suspiciously.

"I'm not going to try something. Just helping you up" Allen replied innocently, he nodded over to a point where he could see some form of light, "It seems its time for the sun to rise"

Kanda followed his gaze, seeing the burst of light emerging from what he could tell as from the east. The light seems to symbolize a new beginning.

"A new day a new start right?" Allen said with a smile, his hand still held out for Kanda to take.

"Yeah I guess" Kanda ch'd and took Allen's hand allowing him to pull him up.

Allen smiled at Kanda's expression; h _e can be real cute sometimes,_ then wrapped his right hand around Kanda's waist and used his left hand to put Kanda's left hand over his shoulders effectively supporting him. Kanda didn't complaint as he needed the help but he'd be damned if he ever tell that to the moyashi.

They walked together in a comfortable silence, seeming to reach an untold conclusion. Allen knew that once they were out of the forest they would act how they used to act with each other but it will not be the same as it was before. A smile crossed his lips as he knew why. Kanda saw the smile and tch'd annoyed.

"What the hell are you so happy about?" he growled in irritation, he for the life of him couldn't see what there is to be happy about, his wounds hurt, he was dizzy, the sun is to fricking bright and he's reduced to depending on the moyashi for help, there was _absolutely_ _ **nothing**_ to be happy about! "Oi when these damned wounds heal expect a beating from me" the treat was a truthful, one that Kanda was sure he will keep.

What Kanda said made Allen's smile widened.

"Oh so I should expect some angry sex, hmm fine by me, but I thought we should go slow for our first time. I don't want to hurt you" Allen smirked when he saw Kanda's face turn crimson and he turned away from him muttering about 'perverted moyashis' the mutterings only made Allen's smirk widened.

Once they were out of the forest they were met with a bunch of noise, but one voice stood above the rest.

"Found em'!" Lavi yelled running to the pair, "Where were you guys? We've been looking everywhere for ya!" once he was closer he whispered so that only the two of them could hear, "So out for a late night date or were you two doing something perverted"

Allen's face turned red and Kanda – seeming to find some strength – let got of Allen in favor of murdering Lavi.

"Yuu…come on…let go" Lavi wheezed trying to pry the raven's fingers off his neck, but the fact that he used that name only made Kanda hold on tighter.

Allen laughed at the two's antics, waiting until Lavi's face was a little blue before stopping Kanda. Kanda let go and Lavi fell in a tangled heap to the ground.

"Man Yuu-chan has on powerful grip" he mumbled rubbing his bruised neck.

"And if you don't want to feel it again I suggest you shut up" Allen warned as Kanda had a murderous look now.

"I got ya I got ya" Lavi replied with a grin, "by the way where were you guys? Everyone's been worried sick, we thought you two eloped"

"Naw just getting to know each other better" Allen replied, "Everyone was worried, about us?" _about me?_

"Yea! We've been searching all night" Lavi replied.

Allen smiled.

"Well you don't have to worry anymore as I'm sure it won't happen again" Kanda began he turned to Allen, "right moyashi?" he asked.

Allen lifted his head to reply but was cut of by a familiar voice.

"Ah look there they are" came Lenalee's voice, "*sigh* I'm so relieved they're ok" she raised her hand to wave at them, "Hey guys! Over here!"

Allen turned his head to where he heard Lenalee's voice; she was standing in front of the entrance to the order. She was soon joined by Krory, Chaoji, Marie, Miranda, Bookman, Link and Komui.

"The kids are alright?" Krory asked.

"There they are over there" Chaoji pointed, "Hey Kanda-sempai!" he waved.

"Kanda and Allen are ok" Marie sighed in relief.

"Thank goodness they're fine" Miranda sobbed.

"Stupid kids making their elders worry so much" Bookman huffed.

"Damn that Walker, almost scared me half to death" Link muttered to himself, _I thought he ran away._

Komui stood there with a fatherly smile, waving at them to come over.

"Ah everyone is here!" Lavi grinned he started running back towards the entrance, he turned back to Allen and Kanda, "Hurry guys come on" he urged.

Allen looked up in shock, not really expecting the whole of the order to be out looking for him. It made him feel…he didn't know but it wasn't better than the feeling of having Kanda kiss him, though it was somewhere close to it. So he's a little happy, possibly relieved and determined not to make them worry again. He turned to face Kanda.

"Yeah" he replied, "It won't happen again"

"You better not try that stunt you pull or else I swear I'll hunt you down, beat the crap out of you and then drag you back myself" Kanda threatened, he tch'd then walked forward seeming to have some of his strength back, "remember that you're never alone, you have friends who will follow you no matter what. They really care about you" when the words left his mouth he groaned, when did he become such a sap? But when he saw the shocked look Allen was giving him it made him want to knock his head into the closest solid surface, "look moron just forget what I just said ok"

That seemed to snap Allen out of his shocked stupor. He smiled genuinely at Kanda.

 _I won't forget it, you're the one who finally made me realize it, that I was being an idiot all along._

"Even you?" Allen asked.

Kanda knew what question he was implying except he didn't want to answer, but when he looked into Allen's eyes again he couldn't help but to respond.

"Ch' yeah even me"

( _ _ ) * ( _ _ ) * ( _ _ )

 **The End**

A/N: (1) Urusai baka moyashi – shut up idiot beansprout

Ah I finally ended the one shot…! Ah my hands are killing me….and its just twenty seven pages? I really love to babble huh I mean most of what I wrote wasn't what I expected to write but oh well alls well that ends well. You must be wondering how the mood turned from so deadly serious to 'aw Yuu-chan you're blushing face is so cute' (hopefully I explained that perfectly) but I needed to lighten the mood hehehe not to mention if I had my way…well lets say it would be moved to a M rating fanfic but my bata isn't a yaoi fan so she doesn't bata yaoi lemons just the fluff. Speaking of which I need to get a bata for my lemons…

You must be wondering why the hell haven't I updated Default yet after all these weeks, well wonder no more I am aiming for that update **but** I've been hit with a drastic case of chapter skip syndrome! (If that's real case) I don't know why but I only have ideas for future chapters and my ideas for the current chapters are well…yeah but don't worry I'm half way finished with chapter four so I'll leave this for you to read and work on it in the meanwhile. (Yes feel free to yell, it's this far down in June and I only have half of the chapter done).

The 'even me' part must be easy for you to figure out. Remember what Kanda said 'they really care about you' yeah I guess it's pretty obvious huh. Anyway sorry if the ending was kinda sucky I'm sleep deprived and am writing at four in the morning. I'll reread it when I get up tomorrow then hopefully post it this Saturday or any day I'll have internet access.

Thank you for reading! And don't forget I reviews *hint* *hint*!

Ja na!

Kaos


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